


Sidelines

by star_spangled_man_with_a_plan



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Captain America: The First Avenger, Drinking, M/M, One-sided Steve Rogers/James 'Bucky' Barnes, Sad Ending, Unrequited, bucky is a sad boi, the bar scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:01:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23375827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_spangled_man_with_a_plan/pseuds/star_spangled_man_with_a_plan
Summary: The legacy of James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes; the man who loved from the sidelines.Bucky sat at the bar and watched Steve and Peggy dance. He watched the love of his life dance in the arms of another. But he was okay with it.He had to be.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	Sidelines

Cheerful chatter, upbeat music and beautiful dames being swept off their feet by dashing young soldiers who just escaped the jaws of death spelt out the atmosphere of the bar in their barracks. But Bucky Barnes sat on a barstool, leaning against the wooden counter and cradling a glass of watered down shitty whiskey. The rest of the Commandos gave him space, sensing their Sergeant’s sombre mood.

Gulping down the whiskey in one mighty gulp, careful not to let the bitter taste linger in his mouth, Barnes ordered another glass. Then another. And another. Until he felt nothing but numbness. His injuries a distant ache, his trauma buried deep in his mind and his heart a dull throb in his chest.

There, on the dance floor, Steve Rogers had Peggy Carter in his arms, both of them gently swaying to the tune of _‘It’s Been A Long Long Time’_ , adoration shining in their eyes. Steve’s new body still had Bucky’s mind reeling, but there were some things that even a super soldier serum couldn’t change. The stubborn set of his eyebrows, his slightly crooked nose from countless fights in alleyways, his slouched shoulders trying to appear smaller than they actually were as if his mind itself was not used to the change. As Sarah Rogers would’ve said, his body finally caught up with his heart.

Steve had once told Bucky about this a few years ago when they were on a double date with dames who were more interested in Bucky. He finally told him why he refused to join them on the dance floor. He said _“I’m just waiting for the right partner, Buck.”_ and Bucky smiled. He smiled like he understood, but inside his head his mind was screaming _“But you already have him, Stevie. I’m right here.”_ And he never asked Steve to dance again.

There he was, with his right partner, dancing. And there Bucky sat, at the bar with a rueful smile. He was happy for him, he truly was. The man who had everything taken away from him, who gave up everything for others, finally got something he wanted. Yet a disappointingly large part of Bucky burned. He should have been her.

But how could he? She was brave, stable and strong-willed with a burning passion for justice. Bucky never was and never could be anything close to that. His life was a struggle to provide for the ones he cared for most, his sister and Steve being the top of the list. That left little room for patriotism and justice. He went to war for Steve and he knows he will die for Steve. And he was okay with that. Ever since he saw the scrawny, sickly Steve Rogers getting roughed up by his classmates in the alley behind the bakery, Bucky knew he was stuck; he would spend the rest of his life trying to be worthy of Steve's love. He deserved more than he got and Bucky made it his life's mission to provide as much as he could.

Steve was happy. He found a something to fight for, he found the right partner and he found a team that would have his six come hell or high water. The super soldier serum had cured him of all his ailments and enhanced his immune system. Bucky’s job was done; he wasn’t needed anymore. Zola’s experiments left him with demons that would plague his mind for the rest of his life. He wasn’t the man he used to be. The only constant in his life was Steve. Steve and his fiery personality. His heart that was bigger than his head and his head that was thicker than concrete. Entering every situation fist first.

The burning part of Bucky wondered whether Peggy knew about this. About his sketches, about his pencils that he handled gently and with more care than even his medication, about the sweater that his mother had made him before she fell sick and that he wore it every winter. About his love for strawberry jam and apple pie. About Abraham, the stray cat he found when they were ten and the way he wept when Abraham passed away three years later. But then the rational part of his mind intervened. It didn’t matter that she didn’t know, Steve would tell her. He would tell her of the pie they once stole but returned only five minutes later because Steve’s guilt made him sick. Of the radiator in their dilapidated apartment that never worked. Of their evenings spent at Cooney Island even though Steve shouldn’t have been on half the rides there. Of his dreams of saving the world. After all, they had the rest of their lives left.

In his tent, under his cot, he kept his trunk that contained all his meagre belongings. There was a notebook; a diary of sorts, that he dedicated to Steve. On lonely nights when he couldn’t sleep, on missions in lands far away on barren, cold grounds, he wrote to keep the nerves at bay. His mind recalled all of his brightest memories and his hands catalogued them in the weathered pages of his book. In every page, his love and devotion for Steve shone through. Every memory he recalled had Steve’s blinding smile, his larger than life attitude that brought in more trouble than it did good and most of all, his kindness. All of Steve's actions were rooted in the fundamental belief that every single person he came across had the ability to be good. And that is what Bucky loved most about him. On the back cover, he had carved a small message into the leather. _“For Steven Grant Rogers”_ with the address of their Brooklyn apartment. He trusted his comrades to deliver it with his privacy intact.

And so, when the rail finally gave way, Steve’s name on his lips, he thought about the diary, about the man that made him happiest and about the happiness that the future has in store for his best guy. The pang of anguish that usually accompanied that thought was gone. His fear that he would not be apart of this radiant man's life was a distant memory. Only serenity remained. The cold swallowed him up and thus ended the legacy of _James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes_.

_The man who gave Steve Rogers his heart and who loved him from the sidelines._

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first time posting here after being a long time lurker. I am so sorry for all the angst!
> 
> I was listening to _Stone Cold_ by Demi Lovato and this fic popped into my head and I just had to write it. I don't usually write angst, so I'm sorry if its a little lacking, I'll try to do better next time.
> 
> Constructive criticism is very appreciated. Feel free to point out any typos or grammatical errors in the comment section. Please be nice :)


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